This week we’re sharing an excerpt out of our recently published WorryTree Guided Workbook! If you’d like to read more, you can download the workbook in full here.
Building better habits around worry is not going to happen overnight, it takes consistent, committed action over a period of time.
Research suggests that it can take up to 90 days to form a new habit, but there are plenty of ways we can help ourselves form new habits. Here are a few things that have worked for me.
1. Setting reminders. Whether you choose to record and problem-solve your worries throughout the day as and when they arise, or if you prefer to use the worry time system and save them all up for later, setting a reminder can really help you commit to this. Either by setting a reminder for when your daily worry time will take place, or setting reminders for every couple of hours to check in with yourself throughout the day.
2. Streaks. Something that I find motivates me when I’m trying to build a daily habit is to print off a calendar, stick it up somewhere and put a cross through every day that I manage to take the action that I want to. It soon becomes harder to have a gap in your calendar (or streak) than to not bother with the action. Apps like Headspace are brilliant for this. In order to encourage you to keep up your meditation habit it tells you how many days in a row you’ve meditated. Once you get past a certain number, it becomes uncomfortable letting that number go back to zero.
3. Accountability. Some of us find it easier to do something if other people are holding us accountable for it (see Gretchen Rubin’s work on the four tendencies - these people are 'obligers'). As an obliger myself, I find it easier to do something for others than to self-motivate, so when there’s something I’m avoiding, or a new habit I want to commit to, I’ll tell others, whether that’s a good friend, my husband, or even the world on social media. By doing so, I am committing externally to the habit I want to start and that makes it easier for me to keep it up.
4. In contrast, some people will only commit to something for themselves, and external motivations just don’t work. For you, it might be that you can effectively form a habit by connecting it to your values or your identity. For example, if you’re forming a habit of positive thinking you might like to look at this as you want to identify yourself as someone who is a positive thinker different from others. You might need to go back to your goals and why you’re making this new habit. Make sure you know your 'why and go from there.
5. Get it done early. Consider always making time to check in and journal your worries first thing in the morning or early evening. Committing something to a specific time of day makes it less likely that you’ll forget, and more likely that you’ll do it.
6. Practice mindfulness. The more you find yourself in the present, the easier it is to notice when your mood suddenly shifts because you’ve been thinking about something that is worrying you. Often the first way I know that I’ve been worrying is when I suddenly recognise that my mood has shifted and I feel a ‘dropping’ in my stomach. I have come to learn that this feeling signifies that I’ve been thinking negatively and I’ll then stop and take a moment to reflect on what thoughts have been going through my mind, record and problem-solve them.
7. Remove barriers. If there’s something getting in the way of you forming a new more positive habit, try to remove it to make it as easy as possible for you to commit to it. If you can never find a piece of paper to write down your worries, then either buy a small notebook and pen and carry them with you at all times, or use your mobile device if you generally have that to hand. Keep your worry app on the main home screen so it’s easy to get to. Taking away some of the difficulties makes it much easier to form an automatic habit.
A consistent, committed effort will get you there in the end, to a place where your worries no longer control your every waking moment. No one is worry-free, but with regular practice of catching, challenging and problem-solving your worries, you can get to a place where it’s no longer ruling your day-to-day life. The easier