Before we get started, I wrote this piece originally wrote for my monthly newsletter back in September. If you’d like to subscribe and join a community of people all working on managing their worries better then you can sign up for that here!
It's been quite a year hasn't it so far? I'm writing this today hours before we hear what the latest set of restrictions are going to be in the UK. Thankfully the schools are back and businesses are open, but the virus is spreading again here and it feels like it's going to be a challenging winter.
These are uncertain times and for many of us, especially those of us with a tendency to worry, uncertainty brings fear and anxiety. I for one am not a fan of uncertainty, and yet everything about our lives is uncertain.
Certainty itself is a bit of an illusion.
None of us know what's around the corner, it's not possible. We don't know for sure what the future will bring in five minutes time let alone five years. The only thing that's actually really real is this moment right now.
Think about that. The only thing that's real is this moment right now.
That blows my mind a little, does it yours?
I like to be in control of my life, sometimes down to the smallest detail. I think that mindset quite often goes alongside anxiety and worry, because when we try to control everything in our lives we're fighting a losing battle. Many of us worry because we think in some small way it will keep us safe. We've covered the bases of what might happen in advance.
But how many of our worries and what ifs actually come true?
So we try to control everything as much as possible, but we can't control random events or other people. In fact the only thing we really have control over is our own responses to situations, events and people.
For someone who struggles with not knowing what will happen next, this year has been a tough one! But we've all dealt with huge changes that we'd never have seen coming this time last year. Imagine if we had!
But there are plenty of things we can do to be more able to cope with the fact that life is uncertain. Small, practical steps that make us more resilient to change and able to cope with uncertainty.
Here's what I have learnt this year about uncertainty, and hopefully some of these might help you too.
There's really no such thing as certainty
This is something I have had to work hard to get to grips with, but it does instantly change your mindset. With the past being a memory that gets flimsier as time passes, and the future being something that just hasn't happened yet, that leaves us with only one certainty and that's right this second. And it's gone in an instant. If nothing is really certain, we can't live our lives being afraid of everything.
Practicing mindfulness really helps
On that basis, the one thing I have found which has really changed things for me is practicing mindfulness. It's definitely a practice, and some days when I break out my Headspace app the busy thoughts just don't stop even for a second, but it's not physically possible to be mindfully in the present moment and worrying about the future at the same time. So the more present you are, the less you're feeling anxious. Whether that's focusing on your breath, watching the flame of a candle or sitting listening to the birds, if you're truly in that moment you can't be anywhere else.
Gratitude is the antidote to fear
I think that might be a Brene Brown quote but do correct me if I'm wrong! Regular gratitude practice has been proven to ease anxiety and depression, it disconnects us from negative emotions and over-thinking and it refocuses our attention on the positive aspects of life. I've recently read about focusing my gratitude practice on three things each time; people, places and projects, and that's helped me become much more specific about my gratitude.
Going all in and facing fear and uncertainty takes away its power
This is something I have really noticed this year. When something takes me out of my comfort zone but I embrace it anyway, that's when the magic happens. Whether that's relating to a work project, or family life, or an activity, I've learned to look for the fear and lean into it rather than shy away. Marie Forleo talks about fear as being something we should follow rather than run away from. It's not always easy to do, but it’s worth it because the more you do it, the easier it gets.
You can build up your uncertainty muscles
I love this one! Just like sit-ups will help your core, practicing coping with uncertain situations will build your resilience and uncertainty muscles! It's worth starting slowly, but if there are uncertain situations that make you feel uncomfortable, practicing these either through visualisation or even in real-life will help you build up your ability to cope with uncertainty. As you practice, you can increase the level of uncertainty until you're fully comfortable. I've done this in a work context and it really helps.
As we head into a northern hemisphere Winter, not being sure what the pandemic will bring next and what Government guidelines will be, uncertainty is inevitable.
But with a little acceptance that uncertainty is a part of our lives even in the best of times and by practicing mindfulness and gratitude for each simple moment, we will get through the next few months and come out the other side stronger and a little more resilient.