I actually wrote this post back in February of this year, when I was going through a stressful period at home. I wrote the post, and then saved it into drafts for when everything felt a little less vulnerable. Here’s the post, as it was written back in February.
Life can be really uncertain sometimes. Things come up that are scary and hard, whether that’s unexpected pandemics, health scares, job losses, divorce or some other major life challenge.
When the shit hits the fan it’s hard to think straight. In uncertain times thoughts can spiral endlessly for days and you can find yourself sucked into the Google void and obsessively catastrophising every possible worst-case scenario. If you’re someone who lives with habitual negative thinking or generalised anxiety in the best of times, the worst of times can seem completely overwhelming. Insurmountable.
There’s a superpower we have though that we can use in our favour. Planning.
When we’re in fight, flight or freeze, our brain’s evolutionary way of keeping us safe, our thinking brain stops functioning so well. Our emotional brain is in control, getting us as far as possible from the perceived danger or trying to face it off and fight it. Until our thinking brain comes back online because the emotional response has slowed down, it’s impossible to be rational and deal with the problem at hand.
That’s why having your own personal emergency toolkit can help us when our thinking brain has gone offline.
Your emergency resource kit is something that will help you remember what you need to do when your brain just won’t provide that information. You might keep this as a note to yourself on your phone, in your diary or a letter to yourself in your bag. Why not write yourself an emergency letter and keep it somewhere close in case of difficult times.
Your emergency resource kit might include your favourite mental health apps, a playlist you find calming, a link to a calming breathing exercise or a little reminder than running helps you problem-solve difficult situations. Your toolkit will be completely unique to you. Have you heard the phrase about putting your own oxygen mask on first so you can help others? Well this is the equivalent of that, your little toolkit of how you can take care of yourself in a difficult moment, so that you can then be there for your loved ones if they need you.
As people who worry a lot and manage anxiety day-to-day, we tend to have creative imaginations (that’s why we’re so good at imagining worse-case scenarios). Harness that ability to plan when your anxiety levels are lower and think through what works really well for you and what doesn’t in anxious moments.
Here’s how to get started:
Make a list of things that you know help you feel calm and lower your emotional response. These will be particular to you, but might include a favourite breathing exercise (with a direct link to it), a quote or a certain piece of music. Avoid including things that can actually make you feel worse like food and alcohol.
Add to this list things that help you feel more in control of your thinking and help you get some perspective. Again these will be specific to you. My list includes a particular podcast episode from the Life Coach School about pre-traumatic stress which always reminds me how to keep things in perspective. You might also have a quick note to yourself about how strong you are and that you’ll get through this, or a reminder that whilst times are uncertain, in reality we’re always living in uncertainty because no one really knows what’s round the corner.
Make sure you have these things to hand. For example if you know that music helps you calm an emotional response, then build a playlist now that you can use in anxious times. If you find a spray of Rescue Remedy works for you, buy a couple of bottles and make sure you have one on hand ready at work and at home.
Keep your toolkit somewhere easy to find when you’re feeling stressed. If you carry a phone then this is an ideal place to keep your list.
It’s important that you do this when you’re feeling pretty calm and life is okay. You’ll be able to think more positively about what might help you when things get tough.
Use your imagination superpower to imagine the best case too.
If your brain is sending you stories and imagery about the worst-case scenario in an uncertain time, make sure you balance it out by taking the time to imagine the best case too. For every ten minutes you catch yourself going through the awful things that might happen, spend ten minutes imagining all of the best things that could happen too. That way at least you’re reminding your brain that it doesn’t really know the future at all.
Uncertain times are challenging but they do pass eventually. Life is made up of good and bad, it’s all part of the human experience as hard as it is at the time. If you’re going through a difficult or uncertain time at the moment, we see you. Take care of yourself, try to do some of the things that keep you feeling okay, use some of the techniques above and and above all, be kind to yourself. Hard times are hard and it’s okay to struggle.
Take care,
Louise x
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If you're struggling at the moment, then know that asking for help is a sign of strength not of weakness. Contact someone you can trust like your Doctor, a friend or a relative, or text SHOUT to 85258 (UK) to start a conversation with a crisis support volunteer.