We all worry sometimes, it’s human nature. Worry and anxiety come from our prehistoric need to protect ourselves from danger. But we’re no longer facing down sabre-tooth tigers and woolly mammoths on a day to day basis so our ‘fight or flight’ system looks for other threats and dangers to respond to.
For some of us, the system that evolved to protect us can trigger all too easily. Things that just aren’t threatening or dangerous can spark an attack. Worry is insidious. It can send you into a tailspin without you even really noticing that you’ve been worrying about something. Ever felt that tug of dread for apparently no reason and then realised that your mind has wondered off into catastrophising about something that might never happen?
Worry is a habit, and it can be a destructive one, damaging our relationships, careers and our mental and physical health. But like all habits, it can be broken. With a little training and a lot of perseverance, our minds can learn to be more constructive and helpful.
Think of it like tracks in a road. Our mind will always go for the easiest track, so if you’ve been a long-term worrier then without a bit of self-awareness your mind will happily wander off down it’s well beaten path. But with practice, we can encourage our minds down a new, more positive, less repetitive path and start building new tracks. With enough practice, those tracks become deep enough to be the new well-worn path our mind travels.
These three simple steps, taken regularly enough, will create new tracks in your mind helping you to manage your worries better:
1. Catching your worries
Worrying can be such a deep-rooted habit that we don’t even notice when we’re doing it, so the first and probably most difficult step is to catch worries in the act. Given time this becomes easier, but first if you look for those moments when you feel that tug of physical anxiety it can be a marker that you’ve been worrying about something. Set yourself reminders to check if you’re worrying about something. With time and a bit of perseverance you’ll start to notice more regularly if worry is on your mind.
2. Challenge your worries
Once you’re noticed that you’re worrying about something, you can challenge that train of thought. Is your worry something you have any control over? Is it something entirely out of your hands? Is it likely to even happen? Go to the rational part of your brain and really challenge what you’re worrying about. Is it a helpful thought or not?
3. Change your worries
Once you’ve identified whether you can control the thing you’re worrying about then you now have options! If your worry is something totally out of your control, let’s say it’s the state of the nation or plans for Brexit, then you’re going to need to find a way to move on. You can’t do anything about it! This is where distraction is key. Find something else to do or to think about that breaks the track you’re on even if only for ten minutes. Go for a walk, listen to some music, read a book. Do whatever it takes to send your mind elsewhere for a few minutes and you’ll find the worry gets bored and moves away.
On the other hand if your worry is something you do have control over then now’s the time to flex your problem solving muscles. Make a plan! What can I do right now to tackle this problem? Do I need to make an appointment to see the Doctor, or phone a friend, or do some research? Make a plan, write it down, and get it done either now or later, and you’ve turned your worry into an action. Now, if you still need to, distract yourself. You’ve done everything you can for now.
Persistence is the key to managing your worries. Keep following the steps above, regularly, and you’ll find that worries become more like problems to solve than worms that take over your mind for hours on end. Can anyone be completely worry free? Possibly not, but we can change our habits so that our worries become more manageable and we can get on with living the best lives we can.